Hoping to be the Host with the Most

As far back as he could remember Curtis Dalrymple wanted to be just one thing: a game show host.

He grew up idolizing game show hosts like Bill Cullen and Peter Marshall. He’d write fan mail to Bob Eubanks and Jim Lange. When he tried to run away from home he stood at the corner holding a sign that read “Wink Martindale’s House or Bust.”

He fantasized that maybe his father, Curtis Sr., a genuinely nice but somewhat bland man, was actually his stepfather, and that maybe Gene Rayburn or Art Fleming was his real father. This didn’t please either of his parents to any great extent, although his mother did find Art Fleming to be a rather handsome man.

Art Fleming

Curtis prepared diligently for his chosen profession. As a boy he would gather his friends and host impromptu game shows. His friends went along for his sake, but Jack Palmer did get frustrated when Curtis would open each show by saying to each of them, “So, tell me a little about yourself.”

“I already told you a little about myself yesterday,” Jack would say in an exasperated voice. “Why do you keep asking me that?” These exchanges usually ended in fisticuffs.

Curtis dreamed of attending the prestigious – at least prestigious in his mind – National Academy of Game Show Hosts Correspondence School headquartered in Duluth, Minn. Its motto was “Turning Your Game Show Dream into Reality.”

However, by the time he turned 18 and was old enough to sign up, the school had gone out of business, proving again just how hard it can be to turn your dream into reality.

Bill Cullen

Peter Marshall

As he grew into manhood Curtis never gave up hope that he would be a game show host someday. Every year he used his two weeks of vacation from his job at the Stemplemyer Feed and Grain Store to travel to California to try to get auditions for game show host jobs.

Unfortunately, all he got out of these trips was sunburn.

One day he was sitting around with Jack Palmer, again venting his frustration of not being a game show host, when Jack offered a solution.

“Maybe you need to be discovered,” Jack said. “Instead of going to auditions where nobody ever heard of you, why don’t you start your own game show and put it on line? Who knows? Maybe some game show host producer will see it and discover what you can do.”

Curtis thought this was a stroke of genius. Actually, he thought when Thomas Edison invented the light bulb that was a stroke of genius, but this was pretty close in a non-history-of-mankind-altering way.

He immediately began planning for his show. First he needed a concept. As a long-time watcher of game shows, Curtis believed that it was important not to make the game too tough to win. He figured that viewers were intimidated and turned off by watching people answer questions or perform tasks that the average person would have trouble with.

Finally he came up with his show: “Find Your Socks.”

Bob Eubanks

Jim Lange

The first round tests the mental ability of the contestants. Two clotheslines are strung across the stage. (Actually they're strung across Curtis' parents' family room since he didn’t have access to any stages.) Then he alternately asks a series of easy, almost mindless, questions to the contestants.

For every correct answer a contestant gets to hang a sock on his clothesline. Whoever has the most socks hanging at the end of the round wins.

Round two is a physical test. Contestants are given a pile of rolled up socks and are told to throw as many as they can into a clothes basket across the stage (sorry, family room) in a period of two minutes.

If one contestant falls more than three rolled up socks behind he’s allowed to move closer to the basket. This gives him a chance to catch up or at least not get beaten so badly.

Round three is a little tougher. The contestants are given a socks obstacle course to run. First, each contestant must fold seven pairs of socks and put them in a suitcase, simulating a week-long business trip or vacation.

At the next step, 10 pairs of socks are mixed up and put in a pile. Each contestant must sort them out according to size and color.

The third step has a row of 10 clothes dryers. Each contestant is given a single sock and he must find the matching sock that one of the dryers has “eaten” during the last washday.

To make it more even, if one of the contestants jumps out to a big lead during the obstacle course the host proceeds to engage him in meaningless small talk in hopes of distracting him so his opponent can catch up.

Whoever wins two out of three rounds wins the game and advances to the grand finale for the big prize. This is where “Find Your Socks” gets its name.

Whoever is in the finals gives his socks to the host and they’re then put in a giant bin full of socks of various sizes and colors positioned over the stage (OK, OK, family room). The socks are all dropped and the contestant has one minute to find his socks.

Think of the excitement when the host precedes the dropping of the socks with the words, “Now, Beatrice Manning of Cranston, Rhode Island, find your socks.”

Curtis got everything organized, recorded the show and put it on YouTube. Jack ended up winning, but only because he cheated during Round three.

Gene Rayburn

Wink Martindale

So Curtis waited to hear from a game show producer. And he waited and waited and waited.

Six months have gone by and he still hasn’t gotten a call, but he remains optimistic.

And if all else fails, Curtis’ quest to be successful on one count has taught him one thing: that.“So, tell me a little about yourself” is a good opening line on first dates.

Turns out sometime life really is a game, just without the host.