Same Game, You Just Add Gravity

 

Orson McFeeney was a man in search of the million-dollar idea.

Sure, he understood the value of hard work and stuff like that, but what he really wanted was to come up with an idea that would make him more money than he ever dreamed off, all while sitting back and doing pretty much nothing while the cash rolled in.

Sort of like a U.S. Congressman.

In his free time during his job as a salesman at the local Ford dealership, Orson would daydream about various money-making schemes. He had no problem coming up with ideas. His problem was that big step from the drawing board to reality was one he never seemed inclined to take.

Then one day he came up with an idea he was sure was a winner: vertical bowling.

Vertical bowling was a variation of horizontal bowling (called bowling, for short). All you needed was a three-story building.

In regular bowling you roll the ball down the alley in between the times you’re having something to drink, eating potato chips or wiping pizza sauce off your bowling shirt.

In vertical bowling you have all of that, but instead of rolling the ball down the alley you cut holes in the second and third floors of your three-story building, stand on the third floor, drop the ball through the holes and try to knock down pins set up on the first floor.

  

Orson reasoned that vertical bowling would be easier to learn than regular bowling, since bowlers wouldn't have to worry about the variables of the lanes or how to throw a hook. All they had to do was drop the thing and see what happens.

And as a bonus, younger bowlers would get a first-hand lesson on the force of gravity, maybe even before they learned it in school.

Orson acknowledged there were some challenges. It could be hard on pin boys, who would have to dodge bowling balls falling at them from three floors up. But he figured the possible high turnover in pin boys would be balanced by the extra job opportunities.

Plus, each vertical bowling alley would need a fleet of ball retrievers to run up and down several flights of steps to return the balls to the bowlers. These youngsters would increase their strength and stamina while earning money toward their education, or to buy liquor or cigarettes, or to bet on pro football.

Orson envisioned vertical bowling alleys all over the country, particularly in the Midwest, where all those silos could be put to good use. He predicted they would expand to include lounges, snack bars and game rooms.

The problem was Orson, who regularly finished last on the sales chart at the Ford dealership, didn’t have nearly enough money to pursue such a business venture. So, he decided to go on “Shark Tank”, the television show where people pitch their business ideas to a panel of rich businessmen and women.

He gave it his best shot, but no one was interested. As a matter of fact, “dumbest idea I’ve ever heard” was muttered by more than one of the panel members.

So Orson’s latest money making idea came to an end. But he figured he would just think of another one down the road. He always did.

Unfortunately, vertical bowling wasn’t the only no sale Orson got from being on the show. The other was when he asked panelist Lori Greiner for her telephone number.

Lori Greiner