Mitchell Lowenstein liked to refer to himself as a people person.
A people person is what some folks
prefer to call themselves when they realize their greatest skill is they’re
very comfortable talking to anyone about anything.
Looking for a welder? I don’t know one
end of a welding torch from another, but I’m a people person.
Searching for a nuclear physicist? I’m
not sure how to spell nuclear physicist, but hey, I’m a people person.
To Mitchell and like thinkers it was a
trait that trumped all shortcomings. To them, the ability to complete a task
took a back seat to the ability to talk about the task as if you had actually completed
it.
Exactly when the term “people person”
became a part of our vocabulary is vague. One historical version of the Battle
of the Little Bighorn has General George Custer yelling, "Don’t shoot, I’m
a people person” just before he was killed.
 |
| George Custer |
When former president Richard Nixon
denied any involvement in the Watergate scandal by proclaiming “I am not a
crook,” he originally had planned to add “but I am a people person” until aides
talked him out of it.
 |
| Richard M. Nixon |
More recently, former Republican
presidential candidate Mitt Romney reportedly said, “Sure, I may not have any
use for 47 percent of the people in this country, but I’m still a people person
I’m just a people person for 53 percent of the people, and for the rest of the
people I can’t be bothered.”
 |
| Mitt Romney |
So Mitchell came to the conclusion that
he needed to market his greatest talent to maximize his up-to-now relatively
meager earning power. He was such a good conversationalist, he reasoned, that
who wouldn’t enjoy talking to him?
He decided to make himself available to
anyone who wanted someone to talk to, for a fee of course. In his mind he
covered all the bases:
*He offered curb service in which he
would come to your home for a visit. Appointments within 30 minutes of meal
time had to include food.
*He set up a 900 number where people
could call and hear his recorded messages on various topics. For more money you
could speak to him directly.
*In "Take a Ride with Mitch" you pick him
up and drive around while he talks to you.
*In" Pitch a Tent with Mitch" you take
him camping for the weekend. This was one of a number of “activity talks”
offered, including "Bowl with Mitch"," Kayak with Mitch" and "Skydive with Mitch."
Actually, because he’s afraid of heights he doesn’t actually go up in the air
and skydive. He just talks to you on your drive to and from the airport and
shouts encouragement to you from the ground as you plummet to the earth,
hopeful that your thought process won’t replace “Pull the rip cord” with “What
did Mitchell just say?”
Unfortunately, the business (and in
turn the skydiving plane) never took off, and he eventually had to scrap it and
look for a real job.
So Mitchell came to learn that, in the
end, the gift of gab often can’t make up for being a generally non-productive
member of society. And when others find out that all a people person can really
do is talk, the next step is obvious.
He ends up just talking to himself.
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